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Are you someone who tends to feel awkward in social situations? Outwardly you may appear calm and confident and in control, but perhaps inside you are quaking, feeling anxious about how false you think you’re being. Do you have issues with your self-esteem and body image? Perhaps you simply struggle to accept yourself for who you are.
Learning to accept yourself can make a huge difference to your happiness in life. When we accept ourselves and stop judging, we feel that other people in our lives are much less critical and judgemental too. Most of this feeling comes from within ourselves of course. We create an energy that others’ pick up on, and so when we’re downhearted and self-conscious, other people pick up on the vibes and our body language.
So how can you learn to accept yourself. We’ve put together 10 easy steps to help you.
Admitting there’s a problem is the first step to accepting yourself. At the moment in which you take a long, cool look at yourself and recognise an issue, that is the moment at which you can best affect change. By making the decision to change, you are empowering yourself. Self-empowerment is a wonderful acknowledgement of your own worth.
If you’re the sort of person who allows their inner critic to trample rough-shod over their fragile self, now is the time to learn to speak more softly. Listen to the amount of name-calling you do to yourself. Hear yourself when you are being negative. How many times do you find yourself scolding yourself when you do something daft or make a mistake? That inner voice is constantly chiding and criticizing and judging, and there is no need for it. You wouldn’t make your best friend feel so guilty, worthless or ashamed, would you? Why do it to yourself? You should always be your own best friend.
If you find it hard to drown that voice out, you can approach it in one of two ways.
By detaching in this way, you will find that the inner critic loses its power to control you. You won’t successfully manage this every time at first, but keep doing this and eventually you will succeed. One thing to watch out for, when you catch your inner critic being mean, don’t tell it off. You’re learning NOT to be hostile to yourself remember, so be kind, but shoo it along.
Recognise it is your own thinking that is critical. Our experience of the world happens through our own thoughts. Your own happiness depends on yourself and what you think. It does not depend on other people and what they say or do. You choose how to react to outside situations, and you choose your own internal dialogue. Accept the need for change (step one) and be kind to yourself (step two).
It is far too easy to pick fault with ourselves about imperfections and flaws. As we’ve see above, over the years our inner critics have torn us apart, and I’m sure you’ll have had friends and family and colleagues who have had a good go at this too. So why not counteract all that negativity and write a list of things you like, love and appreciate about yourself? It can be absolutely anything. You may have long eye lashes. You may have neat handwriting. You may cry at soppy movies. Perhaps you do a good imitation of a blackbird. Are you good at DIY? Maybe a good listener? Whatever it is you identify, pin it up somewhere you can see it and every now and again read it and add to it.
The next step in self-acceptance is to notice when you do something that makes you feel good. You held the door open for someone else? Notice it! You engaged in a pleasant conversation with a complete stranger? Notice it. You made someone smile or gave them a compliment? Notice it. You tackle your to-do list? Notice it! Do you see how amazing you are? Look out for those moments that make you feel good!
One of the problems with living life the way we do in the twenty-first century is that we’re constantly busy and we give far too much of ourselves to others. We make time for our significant other, our children and parents, friends and colleagues, and even the cold caller who phones up when we’re watching TV. Examine how you divide your time and make sure you allocate some to yourself. This may be so that you can take a walk alone, or simply sit and breathe. Perhaps you like to do some colouring in, drawing or writing. Perhaps you would like 30 minutes listening to jazz. Whatever you feel like doing, allocate the time and give in to your own needs.
If you close your eyes for a moment and think about a you who has stepped into your own power and is perfectly happy with the person you are (and why shouldn’t you be, if you’ve been following the steps above?) what does that actually look like? The more you know what self-acceptance would mean for you, the closer you will come to achieving this.
You’re only human, and humans make mistakes. When you do this, forgive yourself. Recognise that only through making mistakes can you learn and grow.
Sometimes we are cruel to ourselves because we aren’t happy. This may be in a relationship, in a job, or some other personal situation. When you know exactly what you want from life, and you have goals to achieve, you will feel more fulfilled as you achieve them. Even if your desires seem almost impossible to achieve, making a series of goals that take you a step closer can be very life affirming.
You have to ensure that what you want is authentic however. It has to be your heart’s desire, not something your partner, your parents or society dictates. This means understanding yourself and being very clearly in touch with your own feelings.
If it helps, you can ask yourself some questions and record the answers.
Once you have the answers, then you have a kind of job description for yourself. How does that compare with the person you are now? Is there any overlap? Are you being authentic? What changes do you need to make?
Don’t strive too hard. Perfection is unattainable and will never make you happy. Acceptance of who you are and what you have are valuable. Consider learning about mindfulness and living in the moment. Enjoy who you are and what you have and self-acceptance will follow.
Created by Tom Vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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Are you someone who tends to feel awkward in social situations? Outwardly you may appear calm and confident and in control, but perhaps inside you are quaking, feeling anxious about how false you think you’re being. Do you have issues with your self-esteem and body image? Perhaps you simply struggle to accept yourself for who you are.
Learning to accept yourself can make a huge difference to your happiness in life. When we accept ourselves and stop judging, we feel that other people in our lives are much less critical and judgemental too. Most of this feeling comes from within ourselves of course. We create an energy that others’ pick up on, and so when we’re downhearted and self-conscious, other people pick up on the vibes and our body language.
So how can you learn to accept yourself. We’ve put together 10 easy steps to help you.
Admitting there’s a problem is the first step to accepting yourself. At the moment in which you take a long, cool look at yourself and recognise an issue, that is the moment at which you can best affect change. By making the decision to change, you are empowering yourself. Self-empowerment is a wonderful acknowledgement of your own worth.
If you’re the sort of person who allows their inner critic to trample rough-shod over their fragile self, now is the time to learn to speak more softly. Listen to the amount of name-calling you do to yourself. Hear yourself when you are being negative. How many times do you find yourself scolding yourself when you do something daft or make a mistake? That inner voice is constantly chiding and criticizing and judging, and there is no need for it. You wouldn’t make your best friend feel so guilty, worthless or ashamed, would you? Why do it to yourself? You should always be your own best friend.
If you find it hard to drown that voice out, you can approach it in one of two ways.
By detaching in this way, you will find that the inner critic loses its power to control you. You won’t successfully manage this every time at first, but keep doing this and eventually you will succeed. One thing to watch out for, when you catch your inner critic being mean, don’t tell it off. You’re learning NOT to be hostile to yourself remember, so be kind, but shoo it along.
Recognise it is your own thinking that is critical. Our experience of the world happens through our own thoughts. Your own happiness depends on yourself and what you think. It does not depend on other people and what they say or do. You choose how to react to outside situations, and you choose your own internal dialogue. Accept the need for change (step one) and be kind to yourself (step two).
It is far too easy to pick fault with ourselves about imperfections and flaws. As we’ve see above, over the years our inner critics have torn us apart, and I’m sure you’ll have had friends and family and colleagues who have had a good go at this too. So why not counteract all that negativity and write a list of things you like, love and appreciate about yourself? It can be absolutely anything. You may have long eye lashes. You may have neat handwriting. You may cry at soppy movies. Perhaps you do a good imitation of a blackbird. Are you good at DIY? Maybe a good listener? Whatever it is you identify, pin it up somewhere you can see it and every now and again read it and add to it.
The next step in self-acceptance is to notice when you do something that makes you feel good. You held the door open for someone else? Notice it! You engaged in a pleasant conversation with a complete stranger? Notice it. You made someone smile or gave them a compliment? Notice it. You tackle your to-do list? Notice it! Do you see how amazing you are? Look out for those moments that make you feel good!
One of the problems with living life the way we do in the twenty-first century is that we’re constantly busy and we give far too much of ourselves to others. We make time for our significant other, our children and parents, friends and colleagues, and even the cold caller who phones up when we’re watching TV. Examine how you divide your time and make sure you allocate some to yourself. This may be so that you can take a walk alone, or simply sit and breathe. Perhaps you like to do some colouring in, drawing or writing. Perhaps you would like 30 minutes listening to jazz. Whatever you feel like doing, allocate the time and give in to your own needs.
If you close your eyes for a moment and think about a you who has stepped into your own power and is perfectly happy with the person you are (and why shouldn’t you be, if you’ve been following the steps above?) what does that actually look like? The more you know what self-acceptance would mean for you, the closer you will come to achieving this.
You’re only human, and humans make mistakes. When you do this, forgive yourself. Recognise that only through making mistakes can you learn and grow.
Sometimes we are cruel to ourselves because we aren’t happy. This may be in a relationship, in a job, or some other personal situation. When you know exactly what you want from life, and you have goals to achieve, you will feel more fulfilled as you achieve them. Even if your desires seem almost impossible to achieve, making a series of goals that take you a step closer can be very life affirming.
You have to ensure that what you want is authentic however. It has to be your heart’s desire, not something your partner, your parents or society dictates. This means understanding yourself and being very clearly in touch with your own feelings.
If it helps, you can ask yourself some questions and record the answers.
Once you have the answers, then you have a kind of job description for yourself. How does that compare with the person you are now? Is there any overlap? Are you being authentic? What changes do you need to make?
Don’t strive too hard. Perfection is unattainable and will never make you happy. Acceptance of who you are and what you have are valuable. Consider learning about mindfulness and living in the moment. Enjoy who you are and what you have and self-acceptance will follow.
We simply can’t avoid noticing the changes all around us. Autumn is here... Autumn is also called a transitional season. Slowly and steadily, it prepares us for the transition...
Read the complete article
Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.
As nice as it is for a person to celebrate New Year, it's not so nice for a dog, especially when the loud fireworks go off the whole night. This is really frightening for many dogs. Read our 7 tips on how you can help your dog with his fear of fireworks.
As parents, we often worry about a poor school report as much, if not more, as our kids do! And if your child's grades are slipping, you'll be looking for reasons and if there's anything you can do to help.
People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.
Facing the loss of a family member or close friend is probably one of the most difficult challenges that life throws at us. When we've lost a partner, parent, brother or sister, we're likely to experience intense grief.
Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!
Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.
Read the complete article
It is not always obvious when someone is experiencing depression. Some people with depression mask their symptoms, hiding their feelings behind a smile to convince others they are happy.
Lynn Anderson told it very nicely in her song “I beg your pardon; I never promised you a rose garden”. Life isn’t all roses and everybody experiences something they would rather not once in their life.
Read the complete articleBach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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