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Bach flowers mix 44

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32 tips to be more assertive

32 tips to be more assertive

Do you consider yourself to be assertive or would you like to improve your assertiveness skills? Don’t be fooled into thinking that loud and brash is assertive, because it isn’t.

Assertiveness means bringing a balance between vocalising your own needs through good communication, while taking into account the needs of others.

It is not easy to be assertive, particularly if you are naturally introverted, however you can learn some useful skills. Here are our 32 tips to be more assertive.

  1. Recognise who you are and examine the good and bad aspects of your personality. When you know your own value, it is easier to use this as a basis for self-confidence. Assertiveness will build on the self-confidence.

  2. Understand that in order to fulfil your full potential, your needs must be met. You must see to this yourself.

  3. Protect your own rights.

  4. Recognise the value in other people. Understand what their skills are and what they bring to the table. This makes it easier for you to see when to allow someone else to ‘win’, or will help you find the common ground between you that you can both work with.

  5. Respect the rights of others.

  6. Don’t just focus on problems – try and find the solutions.

  7. Do the things you can do. Ask for help with the things you can’t. Watch and learn. Thank people for their assistance. Try it yourself next time. Ask for feedback.

  8. Empathise with others, but be fair on yourself.

  9. Understand that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Just as you treat others the same way.

  10. Stop apologizing. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry”, try saying, “Thank you for your patience.” Show your value, in a dignified way.

  11. Don't leave it to someone else to figure out what you need.

  12. Don’t accept responsibility for the poor behaviour of others. Don’t beat yourself up about what people say or do to you.

  13. If people react badly when you practice being assertive – by behaving resentfully or becoming angry – remember that this is down to them. They control their reactions. You should only respond with dignity, do not return their negativity. You control yourself, not others.

  14. You can be negative, or disagree, just try and do so in a healthy and positive way. “I didn’t enjoy that, but it was a useful experience.”

  15. You can be angry, but always be respectful.

  16. Speak your mind, but protect other people’s feelings.

  17. Control your emotions. This can be easier said and done if you are stressed, sad, angry or frustrated.

  18. Accept compliments graciously. Accept criticism with the same positivity.

  19. Understand that it is perfectly OK for you, or someone else, to make a mistake.

  20. Learn to say "No" when you need to.

  21. Know your limits. Set your boundaries.

  22. Suggest alternatives.

  23. If you find yourself in a hostile situation, back away from it, or take time out.

  24. If you disagree with someone, try saying something like, “I understand your opinion but I do not agree.”

  25. Remember, there is a difference between making a point and making someone agree with you.

  26. If assertiveness is a real issue for you, start small. Work up to tougher situations.

  27. Don’t feel guilty. Being assertive can be tough — especially if you’ve been passive most of your life.

  28. Practice deep breathing to control the fear, worries and anxiety you have about expressing a different opinion or asking for what you want.

  29. Be specific about any complaint you have and cite concrete examples. Try to eliminate emotion and ‘feelings’.

  30. Ask for more time if you need it.

  31. Eliminate unassertive words if you catch yourself using them, such as “I’ll try” or “I’m just” etc.

  32. Keep practicing. It takes time to undo your lack of assertiveness.

Remember, when you are assertive, you ask for what you want but you don't necessarily expect to get it. You are therefore open to negotiation. Taking what you want, demanding what you want, without regard for others, is aggressive behaviour. Sorting an amicable solution, is a graceful response.

Good luck!

Created by Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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32 tips to be more assertive

32 tips to be more assertive
32 tips to be more assertive

Do you consider yourself to be assertive or would you like to improve your assertiveness skills? Don’t be fooled into thinking that loud and brash is assertive, because it isn’t.

Assertiveness means bringing a balance between vocalising your own needs through good communication, while taking into account the needs of others.

It is not easy to be assertive, particularly if you are naturally introverted, however you can learn some useful skills. Here are our 32 tips to be more assertive.

  1. Recognise who you are and examine the good and bad aspects of your personality. When you know your own value, it is easier to use this as a basis for self-confidence. Assertiveness will build on the self-confidence.

  2. Understand that in order to fulfil your full potential, your needs must be met. You must see to this yourself.

  3. Protect your own rights.

  4. Recognise the value in other people. Understand what their skills are and what they bring to the table. This makes it easier for you to see when to allow someone else to ‘win’, or will help you find the common ground between you that you can both work with.

  5. Respect the rights of others.

  6. Don’t just focus on problems – try and find the solutions.

  7. Do the things you can do. Ask for help with the things you can’t. Watch and learn. Thank people for their assistance. Try it yourself next time. Ask for feedback.

  8. Empathise with others, but be fair on yourself.

  9. Understand that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Just as you treat others the same way.

  10. Stop apologizing. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry”, try saying, “Thank you for your patience.” Show your value, in a dignified way.

  11. Don't leave it to someone else to figure out what you need.

  12. Don’t accept responsibility for the poor behaviour of others. Don’t beat yourself up about what people say or do to you.

  13. If people react badly when you practice being assertive – by behaving resentfully or becoming angry – remember that this is down to them. They control their reactions. You should only respond with dignity, do not return their negativity. You control yourself, not others.

  14. You can be negative, or disagree, just try and do so in a healthy and positive way. “I didn’t enjoy that, but it was a useful experience.”

  15. You can be angry, but always be respectful.

  16. Speak your mind, but protect other people’s feelings.

  17. Control your emotions. This can be easier said and done if you are stressed, sad, angry or frustrated.

  18. Accept compliments graciously. Accept criticism with the same positivity.

  19. Understand that it is perfectly OK for you, or someone else, to make a mistake.

  20. Learn to say "No" when you need to.

  21. Know your limits. Set your boundaries.

  22. Suggest alternatives.

  23. If you find yourself in a hostile situation, back away from it, or take time out.

  24. If you disagree with someone, try saying something like, “I understand your opinion but I do not agree.”

  25. Remember, there is a difference between making a point and making someone agree with you.

  26. If assertiveness is a real issue for you, start small. Work up to tougher situations.

  27. Don’t feel guilty. Being assertive can be tough — especially if you’ve been passive most of your life.

  28. Practice deep breathing to control the fear, worries and anxiety you have about expressing a different opinion or asking for what you want.

  29. Be specific about any complaint you have and cite concrete examples. Try to eliminate emotion and ‘feelings’.

  30. Ask for more time if you need it.

  31. Eliminate unassertive words if you catch yourself using them, such as “I’ll try” or “I’m just” etc.

  32. Keep practicing. It takes time to undo your lack of assertiveness.

Remember, when you are assertive, you ask for what you want but you don't necessarily expect to get it. You are therefore open to negotiation. Taking what you want, demanding what you want, without regard for others, is aggressive behaviour. Sorting an amicable solution, is a graceful response.

Good luck!




Bach flowers mix 44: Performance anxiety

Bach flowers mix 44 helps to:

  • Have more self-confidence
  • Remove performance anxiety
  • Prevent panicking
  • Believe in yourself more
  • Be more calm and peaceful
Discover how Bach flowers mix 44 can help you
Marie Pure

Other articles


Did you get stuck in the past

Did you get stuck in the past?

Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world?

Read the complete article

How to stop everything going wrong

How to stop everything going wrong

Do you always feel that everything’s always going wrong? Find out how to stop this cycle of bad thoughts in its tracks. When you think positively, things will start to appear positive and you will eventually feel more positive and optimistic.

Read the complete article

Find out if you're suffering from imposter syndrome

Find out if you're suffering from imposter syndrome

Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!

Read the complete article

Why not me

Why not me?

It's natural to compare our own lives with those of others - weighing up the pros and cons of situations helps us make decisions. But there can be a downside when you find you're constantly comparing yourself with others, envying their seemingly perfect lives and wondering why they are luckier, more prosperous, and better looking than you.

Read the complete article

Do you expect too much from others Find out!

Do you expect too much from others? Find out!

Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?

Read the complete article

goede-voornemens

A new year, a new me

It’s such a positive thing to do and hope springs eternal, so why not commit yourself to a change this year? Here’s our tips on how to stick to your new year’s resolutions.

Read the complete article

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.

Read the complete article

Do you think too much Or too little

Do you think too much? Or too little?

Feel like you overthink too much? Having a hard time making decisions? Or feel like you don’t consider your options enough? Find out how to strike a balance.

Read the complete article

What to do when the spark is fading

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

Read the complete article

Are you stuck in a rut

Are you stuck in a rut?

Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.

Read the complete article

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