32 tips to be more assertive

Do you consider yourself to be assertive or would you like to improve your assertiveness skills? Don’t be fooled into thinking that loud and brash is assertive, because it isn’t.

Assertiveness means bringing a balance between vocalising your own needs through good communication, while taking into account the needs of others.

It is not easy to be assertive, particularly if you are naturally introverted, however you can learn some useful skills. Here are our 32 tips to be more assertive.

1. Recognise who you are and examine the good and bad aspects of your personality. When you know your own value, it is easier to use this as a basis for self-confidence. Assertiveness will build on the self-confidence.
   
   
2. Understand that in order to fulfil your full potential, your needs must be met. You must see to this yourself.
   
   
3. Protect your own rights.
   
   
4. Recognise the value in other people. Understand what their skills are and what they bring to the table. This makes it easier for you to see when to allow someone else to ‘win’, or will help you find the common ground between you that you can both work with.
   
   
5. Respect the rights of others.
   
   
6. Don’t just focus on problems – try and find the solutions.
   
   
7. Do the things you can do. Ask for help with the things you can’t. Watch and learn. Thank people for their assistance. Try it yourself next time. Ask for feedback.
   
   
8. Empathise with others, but be fair on yourself.
   
   
9. Understand that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Just as you treat others the same way.
   
   
10. Stop apologizing. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry”, try saying, “Thank you for your patience.” Show your value, in a dignified way.
    
    
11. Don't leave it to someone else to figure out what you need.
    
    
12. Don’t accept responsibility for the poor behaviour of others. Don’t beat yourself up about what people say or do to you.
    
    
13. If people react badly when you practice being assertive – by behaving resentfully or becoming angry – remember that this is down to them. They control their reactions. You should only respond with dignity, do not return their negativity. You control yourself, not others.
    
    
14. You can be negative, or disagree, just try and do so in a healthy and positive way. “I didn’t enjoy that, but it was a useful experience.”
    
    
15. You can be angry, but always be respectful.
    
    
16. Speak your mind, but protect other people’s feelings.
    
    
17. Control your emotions. This can be easier said and done if you are stressed, sad, angry or frustrated.
    
    
18. Accept compliments graciously. Accept criticism with the same positivity.
    
    
19. Understand that it is perfectly OK for you, or someone else, to make a mistake.
    
    
20. Learn to say "No" when you need to.
    
    
21. Know your limits. Set your boundaries.
    
    
22. Suggest alternatives.
    
    
23. If you find yourself in a hostile situation, back away from it, or take time out.
    
    
24. If you disagree with someone, try saying something like, “I understand your opinion but I do not agree.”
    
    
25. Remember, there is a difference between making a point and making someone agree with you.
    
    
26. If assertiveness is a real issue for you, start small. Work up to tougher situations.
    
    
27. Don’t feel guilty. Being assertive can be tough — especially if you’ve been passive most of your life.
    
    
28. Practice deep breathing to control the fear, worries and anxiety you have about expressing a different opinion or asking for what you want.
    
    
29. Be specific about any complaint you have and cite concrete examples. Try to eliminate emotion and ‘feelings’.
    
    
30. Ask for more time if you need it.
    
    
31. Eliminate unassertive words if you catch yourself using them, such as “I’ll try” or “I’m just” etc.
    
    
32. Keep practicing. It takes time to undo your lack of assertiveness.

Remember, when you are assertive, you ask for what you want but you don't necessarily expect to get it. You are therefore open to negotiation. Taking what you want, demanding what you want, without regard for others, is aggressive behaviour. Sorting an amicable solution, is a graceful response.

Good luck!

Other articles

Signs of depression under the radar

It is not always obvious when someone is experiencing depression. Some people with depression mask their symptoms, hiding their feelings behind a smile to convince others they are happy.

Are most people good or bad?

Do you sometimes despair about humanity because it seems there are far more bad people than good? Are we primarily selfish individuals, thinking only about our own needs? Or is this cynical belief just because we spend so much time online? The truth is more complicated!

Let's make 2021 better than 2020

For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?

Stop worrying and live in the moment

People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.

How to spot toxic behaviour

You see the word "toxic" everywhere these days, but what does it really mean? You've almost certainly come across someone who fits the description. Dealing with difficult personalities can be challenging and emotionally exhausting, to say the least.

20 natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches

Headaches can be a real nuisance, especially if you get them frequently. Luckily, there are many natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches without needing to reach for over the counter medication.

Do you 'Musturbate' too much?

Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".

Do We Label Too Fast?

Nowadays, it can sometimes seem almost everyone has a mental health issue or learning disorder. But, are we too quick to label people, or is it that we are more aware of the problems? This article looks at some of the issues surrounding these sensitive questions.

Fact or fiction? Is it truly healthy?

There's so much contradictory health advice out there, it gets confusing. One year, butter is said to be bad for you, and margarine is better. The following year, it's the other way around. One article says running causes strain on your joints; another says it's good for you because it increases bone strength.

Is your sex life putting your relationship at risk?

Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.