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Do you expect too much from others?

Do you expect too much from others

Do you often feel let down by others? Maybe you think that you do stuff for them and never get anything back in return, or perhaps you believe it's just down to bad luck or that you are always too nice. But if disappointment in other people often happens to you, then maybe the reason is you - your expectations may be unrealistic.

So what unconscious behaviours could you be playing out that create a life in which people let you down? And is there a way to break this pattern?

Signs that you might be too demanding - and what to do about it

1. You don't understand what giving is

Do you believe that what you give, you should receive an equal measure in return? You see giving as a business transaction. But you should give without any expectation of return.

So next time someone asks you to help them out, only give your time and energy if you feel good about it, and understand that you are doing so without any expectations of the favour being returned. If you find this challenging, try stopping giving altogether until you feel ready to give freely without any strings attached.


2. You don't set clear boundaries

Do you know how to say no? Perhaps you aren't setting clear personal boundaries, so others don't understand what you do and do not find acceptable, and you aren't honest about what you do and do not want to do. When you fail to set personal boundaries, you find yourself doing things not because you want to do them but because you don't know how to say no. And if the other person is more assertive with boundaries than you, the result is that you feel disappointed and used.

Imagine how different you would feel if you were more self-confident and you kept more of your energy and time for yourself. Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help you feel more confident and believe in yourself more.

3. You have unrealistic expectations

Expectations that are too high damage relationships, leaving us constantly feeling let down. When we have high expectations of others, it blinds us to who the person really is. And in our determination to have our demands fulfilled, we don't see what they can offer us. So it's not that they don't give us anything; instead, we ask them for things they can't provide.

Think about someone that you're having problems with. Now, make a list of your expectations of them. Are these demands fair? Would your relationship improve if you ripped up the list and simply accepted the person for who they are?

4. You are being too controlling

Sometimes, you might feel disappointed with someone just because you didn't get your own way! But you can never fully control others. So take a moment to consider the individual who hasn't met your expectations. When did you last think about what they wanted or needed in your relationship?

5. You may be co-dependant

At first glance, codependent people can seem like they are too nice, giving almost too much. This is because their life revolves around doing things for others and making them happy. But the other side of the coin is that they expect others to do something that makes them happy in return. Unfortunately, it's often too much to ask, and the result is a feeling of disappointment.

It could be that your self-esteem relies too much on your relationships, and you need to build your self-confidence, Bach Flower Mix 78 can help with codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help avoid panic attacks, overcome the fear of being abandoned and support your self-belief.

6. You may be choosing unhealthy relationships

If you repeatedly choose toxic partners and friends who are emotionally unavailable, you will feel constantly let down. If you are stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationships, it may stem from traumatic events or core beliefs instilled in your childhood that continue to control your choices. For example, you may be following the pattern of a relationship you had with a parent growing up.

Think about your friendships or relationships. Did they all start in similar ways, and do the same dramas and power dynamics play out repeatedly?

You may be expecting support from the wrong people, who simply don't have the emotional intelligence to help you. If your feelings of being let down are making life difficult, or you believe they may come from an experience in your childhood, it can sometimes be easier to talk about it to someone other than family or friends. A therapist or counsellor offers a safe, non-judgmental and unbiased environment for you to explore your feelings of being let down by your expectations of others.

7. You think of yourself as a victim

You don't always have to say yes, always "be nice" and give more than you want, then always feel disappointed. Nobody is making you do these things; you choose to do them. So you aren't really a victim; you are choosing to be one.

Taking control and being more assertive about your needs can be challenging - these tips will help.

  • Practice saying "no." If you're asked to do something you don't want to do, don't do it.
  • Stop blaming other people.
  • Try to understand why you feel powerless and your need to feel in control.
  • Look after yourself and be kind as you would be to a good friend.
  • Focussing on helping others will help you feel better about yourself.
  • Practice gratitude.

A final thought

You can't control others, so let go of your expectations. Instead, look around and find things you are grateful for, even when things don't turn out how you hope. Then, rather than being overshadowed by resentment, your life will be calmer, happier and more peaceful.


Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201801/are-you-ready-stop-feeling-victim

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-codependency-5072124

Created by Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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Do you expect too much from others?

Do you expect too much from others?
Do you expect too much from others

Do you often feel let down by others? Maybe you think that you do stuff for them and never get anything back in return, or perhaps you believe it's just down to bad luck or that you are always too nice. But if disappointment in other people often happens to you, then maybe the reason is you - your expectations may be unrealistic.

So what unconscious behaviours could you be playing out that create a life in which people let you down? And is there a way to break this pattern?

Signs that you might be too demanding - and what to do about it

1. You don't understand what giving is

Do you believe that what you give, you should receive an equal measure in return? You see giving as a business transaction. But you should give without any expectation of return.

So next time someone asks you to help them out, only give your time and energy if you feel good about it, and understand that you are doing so without any expectations of the favour being returned. If you find this challenging, try stopping giving altogether until you feel ready to give freely without any strings attached.

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Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

2. You don't set clear boundaries

Do you know how to say no? Perhaps you aren't setting clear personal boundaries, so others don't understand what you do and do not find acceptable, and you aren't honest about what you do and do not want to do. When you fail to set personal boundaries, you find yourself doing things not because you want to do them but because you don't know how to say no. And if the other person is more assertive with boundaries than you, the result is that you feel disappointed and used.

Imagine how different you would feel if you were more self-confident and you kept more of your energy and time for yourself. Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help you feel more confident and believe in yourself more.

3. You have unrealistic expectations

Expectations that are too high damage relationships, leaving us constantly feeling let down. When we have high expectations of others, it blinds us to who the person really is. And in our determination to have our demands fulfilled, we don't see what they can offer us. So it's not that they don't give us anything; instead, we ask them for things they can't provide.

Think about someone that you're having problems with. Now, make a list of your expectations of them. Are these demands fair? Would your relationship improve if you ripped up the list and simply accepted the person for who they are?

4. You are being too controlling

Sometimes, you might feel disappointed with someone just because you didn't get your own way! But you can never fully control others. So take a moment to consider the individual who hasn't met your expectations. When did you last think about what they wanted or needed in your relationship?

5. You may be co-dependant

At first glance, codependent people can seem like they are too nice, giving almost too much. This is because their life revolves around doing things for others and making them happy. But the other side of the coin is that they expect others to do something that makes them happy in return. Unfortunately, it's often too much to ask, and the result is a feeling of disappointment.

It could be that your self-esteem relies too much on your relationships, and you need to build your self-confidence, Bach Flower Mix 78 can help with codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help avoid panic attacks, overcome the fear of being abandoned and support your self-belief.

6. You may be choosing unhealthy relationships

If you repeatedly choose toxic partners and friends who are emotionally unavailable, you will feel constantly let down. If you are stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationships, it may stem from traumatic events or core beliefs instilled in your childhood that continue to control your choices. For example, you may be following the pattern of a relationship you had with a parent growing up.

Think about your friendships or relationships. Did they all start in similar ways, and do the same dramas and power dynamics play out repeatedly?

You may be expecting support from the wrong people, who simply don't have the emotional intelligence to help you. If your feelings of being let down are making life difficult, or you believe they may come from an experience in your childhood, it can sometimes be easier to talk about it to someone other than family or friends. A therapist or counsellor offers a safe, non-judgmental and unbiased environment for you to explore your feelings of being let down by your expectations of others.

7. You think of yourself as a victim

You don't always have to say yes, always "be nice" and give more than you want, then always feel disappointed. Nobody is making you do these things; you choose to do them. So you aren't really a victim; you are choosing to be one.

Taking control and being more assertive about your needs can be challenging - these tips will help.

  • Practice saying "no." If you're asked to do something you don't want to do, don't do it.
  • Stop blaming other people.
  • Try to understand why you feel powerless and your need to feel in control.
  • Look after yourself and be kind as you would be to a good friend.
  • Focussing on helping others will help you feel better about yourself.
  • Practice gratitude.

A final thought

You can't control others, so let go of your expectations. Instead, look around and find things you are grateful for, even when things don't turn out how you hope. Then, rather than being overshadowed by resentment, your life will be calmer, happier and more peaceful.


Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201801/are-you-ready-stop-feeling-victim

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-codependency-5072124


Marie Pure

Other articles


How to spot toxic behaviour

How to spot toxic behaviour

You see the word "toxic" everywhere these days, but what does it really mean? You've almost certainly come across someone who fits the description. Dealing with difficult personalities can be challenging and emotionally exhausting, to say the least.

Read the complete article

Live Forever the Habits of People Who Live a Long, Healthy Life

Live Forever: the Habits of People Who Live a Long, Healthy Life

Legends of immortality have been told and retold throughout history. From ancient Greek myths to modern movies and novels, the dream of eternal youth has been passed down from generation to generation.

Read the complete article

Signs of depression under the radar

Signs of depression under the radar

It is not always obvious when someone is experiencing depression. Some people with depression mask their symptoms, hiding their feelings behind a smile to convince others they are happy.

Read the complete article

Signs you're slipping into a burn-out

Signs you're slipping into a burn-out

Learn how to recognise the signs of stress and avoid slipping into a burnout or a bore-out

Read the complete article

Are you stuck in a rut

Are you stuck in a rut?

Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.

Read the complete article

20 natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches

20 natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches

Headaches can be a real nuisance, especially if you get them frequently. Luckily, there are many natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches without needing to reach for over the counter medication.

Read the complete article

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives. 

Read the complete article

Stop worrying and live in the moment

Stop worrying and live in the moment

People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.

Read the complete article

Why you're not the best

Why you're not the best

What are your aims in life? Do you plan to be rich, to be a top footballer, to be a good parent, or to become Prime Minister? However efficiently you plan your life, sooner or later you are going to come up against obstacles to achieving your goals.

Read the complete article

What makes it so hard to go back to school

What makes it so hard to go back to school?

Going back to school during a pandemic is a new experience for everyone, and it's understandable if children are feeling anxious about it. We take a look at some of the issues and how you can help your child to get ready for returning to the classroom.

Read the complete article

Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.

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