No matter who we are or what we do, we will all experiences major changes on our lives. Many of these life transitions will be joyful, such as marriages, new jobs, the birth of children etc., but equally many transitions are more difficult to deal with, such as divorce, a mid-life crisis, retirement, bereavement etc. Any life transition – even physical ones such as puberty, the menopause, or major illness - will mean you have to adjust to change, and this can cause stress. If you are someone who finds it difficult to cope with too much change, this article will help.
Remember that change can be beneficial, especially those changes that offer a new start. Even positive changes can be stressful, so keep reminding yourself that this house move, this new job, or starting a family – these are all things that offer you new opportunities for growth. Regardless of what you are doing, you will have to develop new skills or find new reserves of strength. You may have to increase your own awareness of a situation – perhaps a family member has mental health issues, or has come out as gay, for example. Take the opportunity to increase your self-discovery and self-awareness.
Manage your health. Change causes stress so it is important to manage your own health. Eat well, take exercise, try and sleep. Be kind to yourself. Take time out to try and relax.
Do your homework. In some cases, you may know that a major life change will be occurring, perhaps a child leaving home, the menopause, the death of a parent or another loved one. In that case it may help you to read up on what to expect in advance. Of course everyone deals with these transitions differently, but you may not feel so unprepared and fearful if you know generally what to expect.
Again, if you know in advance that you will be going through a transition, try to limit other changes in your life. It can be difficult to avoid as one life transition often leads to another - divorce and moving house for example, or moving house and a new job. However, where you can do so, limit the amount of change you make at one time. Allow yourself to adjust to one change before embarking on another.
Don’t be afraid to open up about your fears and anxieties. Simply discussing your difficulties with another person may help you work through some of your stress. This can be a family member, a work colleague or a professional.
Recognise when you need professional help. If you are finding it exceedingly difficult to adjust to your life transition, and if your stress is out of control – perhaps you’re experiencing panic attacks, or thoughts of self-harm, then ask for professional help. There is no shame in doing so. Similarly, if on a practical level you are finding it difficult to adjust, perhaps to physical symptoms of the menopause, or of puberty, or you have been left alone after a bereavement and cannot cope with day-to-day practicalities, there will be someone who can help you.
Take back control of one thing at a time. When you’re feeling overwhelmed and out of control, just taking one small step forward can really help. You could try making a list of things that need to be done, that will help you feel more in control. Or list things that concern you. Then address one issue. Allow yourself to feel a sense of achievement. You don’t have to do everything but you can work through your challenges one at a time, at a pace that feels good for you.
Ask yourself ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ It may be that the worst has happened. The only way is up from now on. If you are letting fear really get a grip, sit down with a pen and paper and consider all possible outcomes for a worst case scenario, and then take a reality check. It is unlikely ever to be as bad as your imagination lets you think.
Take time to grieve. You may be grieving following a bereavement, but equally many other transitions in life will make you feel shock and depression – losing a job, breaking up with someone, moving from your home town etc. This can result in personal turmoil and mean you’re out of your comfort zone. You need to take time to lament your loss, and don’t be afraid to do so. It is a perfectly natural and healthy response to the situation you find yourself in. Acknowledge this, give yourself time, then move on positively.
Listen to your inner voice. If your inner voice is being critical and negative, step on it. Change what that voice says. Yes, you CAN do this. Yes, you ARE beautiful. Yes, you WILL be strong. You will cope, you will succeed.
Find acceptance. Transitions in life are beyond our control and we all have to go through them. Take some time to think about other people you know. They have all had life transitions and come out the other side, you can too.
Celebrate all the positives. If you try to focus on the positive outcomes of your life transitions, this can really help. At first it may be that you struggle to see any, but there will be some of you look closely. Starting a new school, college or a new job for example will mean meeting new people. It will enliven your outlook on life and open you up to new experiences. And remember, it takes courage to deal with your new situation. Celebrate your strength!
Whatever your transition in life may be, be patient with yourself. Transition offers a unique point at which your life will change, and while it may not be comfortable or fun, you will develop new skills and attitudes and find yourself moving on. If you can do this with patience, humour and positivity, so much the better.
Good luck!
Created by Tom Vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!
When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives.
It’s such a positive thing to do and hope springs eternal, so why not commit yourself to a change this year? Here’s our tips on how to stick to your new year’s resolutions.
Stop worrying and live in the moment
People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.
Hiding a depression: find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this
It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!
Dealing with British Summer Time
Some people are overly sensitive to the time change and it can take days, if not weeks, for them to feel right again, while others barely even notice.
Is your sex life putting your relationship at risk?
Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.
Are things moving too fast for you?
If you're worried that the world is changing too fast, you're not alone: technology is constantly developing, and it can be challenging to keep up with all the changes. As a result, many people - not just the older generations - feel anxious that they might get left behind.
It's often difficult to say no, but some people never do! So how do you know when to say no and when to say yes?
Standing Up To A Narcissistic Pervert
Whether it's with a romantic partner or a housemate, there's no doubt that a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging. But are there ways to cope better? Or is it better to leave the relationship?
Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.
No matter who we are or what we do, we will all experiences major changes on our lives. Many of these life transitions will be joyful, such as marriages, new jobs, the birth of children etc., but equally many transitions are more difficult to deal with, such as divorce, a mid-life crisis, retirement, bereavement etc. Any life transition – even physical ones such as puberty, the menopause, or major illness - will mean you have to adjust to change, and this can cause stress. If you are someone who finds it difficult to cope with too much change, this article will help.
Remember that change can be beneficial, especially those changes that offer a new start. Even positive changes can be stressful, so keep reminding yourself that this house move, this new job, or starting a family – these are all things that offer you new opportunities for growth. Regardless of what you are doing, you will have to develop new skills or find new reserves of strength. You may have to increase your own awareness of a situation – perhaps a family member has mental health issues, or has come out as gay, for example. Take the opportunity to increase your self-discovery and self-awareness.
Manage your health. Change causes stress so it is important to manage your own health. Eat well, take exercise, try and sleep. Be kind to yourself. Take time out to try and relax.
Do your homework. In some cases, you may know that a major life change will be occurring, perhaps a child leaving home, the menopause, the death of a parent or another loved one. In that case it may help you to read up on what to expect in advance. Of course everyone deals with these transitions differently, but you may not feel so unprepared and fearful if you know generally what to expect.
Again, if you know in advance that you will be going through a transition, try to limit other changes in your life. It can be difficult to avoid as one life transition often leads to another - divorce and moving house for example, or moving house and a new job. However, where you can do so, limit the amount of change you make at one time. Allow yourself to adjust to one change before embarking on another.
Don’t be afraid to open up about your fears and anxieties. Simply discussing your difficulties with another person may help you work through some of your stress. This can be a family member, a work colleague or a professional.
Recognise when you need professional help. If you are finding it exceedingly difficult to adjust to your life transition, and if your stress is out of control – perhaps you’re experiencing panic attacks, or thoughts of self-harm, then ask for professional help. There is no shame in doing so. Similarly, if on a practical level you are finding it difficult to adjust, perhaps to physical symptoms of the menopause, or of puberty, or you have been left alone after a bereavement and cannot cope with day-to-day practicalities, there will be someone who can help you.
Take back control of one thing at a time. When you’re feeling overwhelmed and out of control, just taking one small step forward can really help. You could try making a list of things that need to be done, that will help you feel more in control. Or list things that concern you. Then address one issue. Allow yourself to feel a sense of achievement. You don’t have to do everything but you can work through your challenges one at a time, at a pace that feels good for you.
Ask yourself ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ It may be that the worst has happened. The only way is up from now on. If you are letting fear really get a grip, sit down with a pen and paper and consider all possible outcomes for a worst case scenario, and then take a reality check. It is unlikely ever to be as bad as your imagination lets you think.
Take time to grieve. You may be grieving following a bereavement, but equally many other transitions in life will make you feel shock and depression – losing a job, breaking up with someone, moving from your home town etc. This can result in personal turmoil and mean you’re out of your comfort zone. You need to take time to lament your loss, and don’t be afraid to do so. It is a perfectly natural and healthy response to the situation you find yourself in. Acknowledge this, give yourself time, then move on positively.
Listen to your inner voice. If your inner voice is being critical and negative, step on it. Change what that voice says. Yes, you CAN do this. Yes, you ARE beautiful. Yes, you WILL be strong. You will cope, you will succeed.
Find acceptance. Transitions in life are beyond our control and we all have to go through them. Take some time to think about other people you know. They have all had life transitions and come out the other side, you can too.
Celebrate all the positives. If you try to focus on the positive outcomes of your life transitions, this can really help. At first it may be that you struggle to see any, but there will be some of you look closely. Starting a new school, college or a new job for example will mean meeting new people. It will enliven your outlook on life and open you up to new experiences. And remember, it takes courage to deal with your new situation. Celebrate your strength!
Whatever your transition in life may be, be patient with yourself. Transition offers a unique point at which your life will change, and while it may not be comfortable or fun, you will develop new skills and attitudes and find yourself moving on. If you can do this with patience, humour and positivity, so much the better.
Good luck!
When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives.
It’s such a positive thing to do and hope springs eternal, so why not commit yourself to a change this year? Here’s our tips on how to stick to your new year’s resolutions.
People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.
It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!
Some people are overly sensitive to the time change and it can take days, if not weeks, for them to feel right again, while others barely even notice.
Read the complete article
Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.
If you're worried that the world is changing too fast, you're not alone: technology is constantly developing, and it can be challenging to keep up with all the changes. As a result, many people - not just the older generations - feel anxious that they might get left behind.
It's often difficult to say no, but some people never do! So how do you know when to say no and when to say yes?
Whether it's with a romantic partner or a housemate, there's no doubt that a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging. But are there ways to cope better? Or is it better to leave the relationship?
Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.
Read the complete articleBach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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