If you’re exhausting yourself with worry and you’re struggling to calm your mind, what can you do about it? For a quick fix, you simply need to ask yourself these four questions:
1. What do you care?
2. How important is it really?
3. Who says you have to do that?
4. What difference does it make what others think?
Let’s take them, briefly, one by one.
You may well be thinking, “Well of course I care!” but do you really? Can you ask yourself what is it that you care about? At the heart of your worrying is there something specific? For example, you may be worried about something your teenager is doing. Concerns about their safety are valid of course, but if it is a piercing or a relationship, are you worrying too much? It may be that your worry stems from the fact that they are growing up and will be setting themselves free in the world. Perhaps the thing you are really worrying about is getting older, or being alone.
Take time to reflect on what it is that you are genuinely fearful of, and then address that specific issue.
You may get yourself into quite a state about something that isn’t particularly important. The cycle of worry and anxiety feeds itself constantly and before you know it your worrying is out of hand. If you’re feeling panicky because of your worries, stop and take a time-out. How important is what you’re worrying about? Did you spill something on the carpet? Are you worried what your landlord will say? Are your library books late? Is your boss giving you too much to do at work?
Take back control of what it is that is worrying you so much. Have the carpet cleaned. Pay the fine at the library. Say no to your boss, or even better, do what you can in the time that you have and do it well. Let your boss worry about work that cannot be completed in the time they give you. S/he gets paid to worry – you do not.
The only person putting pressure on you, is you. With practice you can stop caring about other people and set the agenda for your own life. It is not simple to do, it takes work, and you have to be strong and assertive - but only you are in charge of your destiny, and only you can make the changes necessary to prevent the pressure.
It’s your life, you make the decisions!
If you worry too much because you’re scared of what other people think of you, it’s time for a reality check. We all judge each other to a greater or lesser extent, and quite frankly it is an unkind thing to do. The antidote to this is to simply not care what other people think. Their opinions should not be valid in your life, especially if you are doing the best job you can of being a human being.
Think of it this way, in the last few weeks of your life, what will matter to you most? Will it be that you had a great time and saw some amazing places? Or will it be that you had your nails done every other week so that someone didn’t judge you? Will it be that you had wonderful experiences with fabulous friends and spent time laughing, singing and dancing? Or that you sided with a bully because you were too scared to stand up to them at the expense of someone else? Will it be the time you spent with your family, or the time you spent in the office or in the traffic?
It is your life. Make your choices on the basis of what makes you happy and proud of yourself. Change what you can change and don’t worry about what you can’t. Life goes on, and one day, you won’t go with it, so live in the here-and-now, and don’t worry about the future.
Created by Tom Vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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If you’re exhausting yourself with worry and you’re struggling to calm your mind, what can you do about it? For a quick fix, you simply need to ask yourself these four questions:
1. What do you care?
2. How important is it really?
3. Who says you have to do that?
4. What difference does it make what others think?
Let’s take them, briefly, one by one.
You may well be thinking, “Well of course I care!” but do you really? Can you ask yourself what is it that you care about? At the heart of your worrying is there something specific? For example, you may be worried about something your teenager is doing. Concerns about their safety are valid of course, but if it is a piercing or a relationship, are you worrying too much? It may be that your worry stems from the fact that they are growing up and will be setting themselves free in the world. Perhaps the thing you are really worrying about is getting older, or being alone.
Take time to reflect on what it is that you are genuinely fearful of, and then address that specific issue.
You may get yourself into quite a state about something that isn’t particularly important. The cycle of worry and anxiety feeds itself constantly and before you know it your worrying is out of hand. If you’re feeling panicky because of your worries, stop and take a time-out. How important is what you’re worrying about? Did you spill something on the carpet? Are you worried what your landlord will say? Are your library books late? Is your boss giving you too much to do at work?
Take back control of what it is that is worrying you so much. Have the carpet cleaned. Pay the fine at the library. Say no to your boss, or even better, do what you can in the time that you have and do it well. Let your boss worry about work that cannot be completed in the time they give you. S/he gets paid to worry – you do not.
The only person putting pressure on you, is you. With practice you can stop caring about other people and set the agenda for your own life. It is not simple to do, it takes work, and you have to be strong and assertive - but only you are in charge of your destiny, and only you can make the changes necessary to prevent the pressure.
It’s your life, you make the decisions!
If you worry too much because you’re scared of what other people think of you, it’s time for a reality check. We all judge each other to a greater or lesser extent, and quite frankly it is an unkind thing to do. The antidote to this is to simply not care what other people think. Their opinions should not be valid in your life, especially if you are doing the best job you can of being a human being.
Think of it this way, in the last few weeks of your life, what will matter to you most? Will it be that you had a great time and saw some amazing places? Or will it be that you had your nails done every other week so that someone didn’t judge you? Will it be that you had wonderful experiences with fabulous friends and spent time laughing, singing and dancing? Or that you sided with a bully because you were too scared to stand up to them at the expense of someone else? Will it be the time you spent with your family, or the time you spent in the office or in the traffic?
It is your life. Make your choices on the basis of what makes you happy and proud of yourself. Change what you can change and don’t worry about what you can’t. Life goes on, and one day, you won’t go with it, so live in the here-and-now, and don’t worry about the future.
Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?
Read the complete article
Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.
Nowadays, it can sometimes seem almost everyone has a mental health issue or learning disorder. But, are we too quick to label people, or is it that we are more aware of the problems? This article looks at some of the issues surrounding these sensitive questions.
There's so much contradictory health advice out there, it gets confusing. One year, butter is said to be bad for you, and margarine is better. The following year, it's the other way around. One article says running causes strain on your joints; another says it's good for you because it increases bone strength.
When we’re stuck in a bit of a rut, the days and nights slip past so quickly that we barely notice them. But life is not a rehearsal!
When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives.
Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!
It's often difficult to say no, but some people never do! So how do you know when to say no and when to say yes?
Learn how to recognise the signs of stress and avoid slipping into a burnout or a bore-out
You see the word "toxic" everywhere these days, but what does it really mean? You've almost certainly come across someone who fits the description. Dealing with difficult personalities can be challenging and emotionally exhausting, to say the least.
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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