Negative people are the black holes of human society. Who hasn’t experienced that negative friend, colleague or co-worker who complains endlessly about other people, their jobs, their lives and anything else they can think of? That pervading sense of unease, pessimism, distrust and fatalism is potentially very damaging. It can really sap your energy if someone you know is constantly negative, sharing the drama of their lives, without ever offering any solutions to their countless problems.
It is difficult to shake off the negativity, but the energy created can be destructive, so you need to find ways of dealing with negative people. Here’s a few ideas that may help.
Yes, it’s pretty obvious. You may feel guilty about doing so, but avoiding people who bring you down is the single best tactic for keeping your own positivity intact. Negative people will knock your ideas, and suck you dry like an energy vampire. All of your own good intentions will fly out of the window, so when you see them, swerve!
If you absolutely have to have contact with a negative person, create your own boundaries. Give them five minutes of time and then politely excuse yourself. Another useful tactic is to listen to what they have to say, but once they start repeating themselves, again, take your leave. Don’t become involved. Just listen politely, nod and make a non-committal comment. Then be on your way.
If the negative person who brings you down is someone close to you, you may decide you want to try and understand their perspective on life. There are three basic reasons why people are negative. There are:
These fears often combine and a negative person will think the world is a dangerous place and people are horrible. They begin to misread situations and interpret even well-meaning comments in a perverse way. They will have a thin skin, are afraid of judgement and may well be risk averse. Understanding where the negativity stems from, may help you deal with the situation better.
The trick is to be compassionate – understand they have issues, but don’t take those on yourself. Don’t lecture them, don’t advise them, and don’t make suggestions. If you do any of these things, you may find it can backfire spectacularly.
If you have a negative friend who you know is struggling, don’t wait for their negativity to manifest itself in irritation, anger or outbursts, try and bolster their spirits every time you see them, but without dispelling copious amounts of your own energy. Offer a compliment, remind them of something they did well, or a happy memory. Remember though, don’t engage them in a diatribe of their negativity.
Some negative people feel the need to control the behaviour of others, and so will call people out on what they eat, what they wear, how they behave etc. Be polite and firm and make your own choices. You can gently tell them that you disagree, but don’t waste your time getting into an argument.
Negative people often behave and think irrationally. There is very little point in wasting your own time and energy trying to understand their actions. Limit your own amount of emotional investment in whatever is annoying them.
You may well be surrounded by numerous people who irritate you. Far better to choose the battles you become involved in, rather than biting at every opportunity. If you are constantly irritated, people will see you as a problem, perhaps they will think of you as a negative and argumentative person. The best thing to do in many situations is to walk away. People will respect you more if you just shrug it off.
To counter negativity among colleagues etc., why not build up a network of contacts and colleagues who are quite the reverse? Have coffee with people who really cheer you up, and use positive people as support for when others are bringing you down. Use their objectivity to cast fresh light on a situation.
The negative person is triggering you in some way. Sure, they are annoying, but something is also amiss with you. By being irritated you are judging, blaming and criticizing (rightly or wrongly). Is your reaction an overreaction? Can you shift your focus to what is positive about the negative person? Are you willing to try?
You can’t demand of others what you are not prepared to be yourself, so for the sake of your own happiness and wellbeing, set a positive example and remain upbeat and optimistic. This can sometimes be extremely off-putting to those of a negative bent, and you may find they naturally start to avoid contact with you!
Created by Tom Vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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Negative people are the black holes of human society. Who hasn’t experienced that negative friend, colleague or co-worker who complains endlessly about other people, their jobs, their lives and anything else they can think of? That pervading sense of unease, pessimism, distrust and fatalism is potentially very damaging. It can really sap your energy if someone you know is constantly negative, sharing the drama of their lives, without ever offering any solutions to their countless problems.
It is difficult to shake off the negativity, but the energy created can be destructive, so you need to find ways of dealing with negative people. Here’s a few ideas that may help.
Yes, it’s pretty obvious. You may feel guilty about doing so, but avoiding people who bring you down is the single best tactic for keeping your own positivity intact. Negative people will knock your ideas, and suck you dry like an energy vampire. All of your own good intentions will fly out of the window, so when you see them, swerve!
If you absolutely have to have contact with a negative person, create your own boundaries. Give them five minutes of time and then politely excuse yourself. Another useful tactic is to listen to what they have to say, but once they start repeating themselves, again, take your leave. Don’t become involved. Just listen politely, nod and make a non-committal comment. Then be on your way.
If the negative person who brings you down is someone close to you, you may decide you want to try and understand their perspective on life. There are three basic reasons why people are negative. There are:
These fears often combine and a negative person will think the world is a dangerous place and people are horrible. They begin to misread situations and interpret even well-meaning comments in a perverse way. They will have a thin skin, are afraid of judgement and may well be risk averse. Understanding where the negativity stems from, may help you deal with the situation better.
The trick is to be compassionate – understand they have issues, but don’t take those on yourself. Don’t lecture them, don’t advise them, and don’t make suggestions. If you do any of these things, you may find it can backfire spectacularly.
If you have a negative friend who you know is struggling, don’t wait for their negativity to manifest itself in irritation, anger or outbursts, try and bolster their spirits every time you see them, but without dispelling copious amounts of your own energy. Offer a compliment, remind them of something they did well, or a happy memory. Remember though, don’t engage them in a diatribe of their negativity.
Some negative people feel the need to control the behaviour of others, and so will call people out on what they eat, what they wear, how they behave etc. Be polite and firm and make your own choices. You can gently tell them that you disagree, but don’t waste your time getting into an argument.
Negative people often behave and think irrationally. There is very little point in wasting your own time and energy trying to understand their actions. Limit your own amount of emotional investment in whatever is annoying them.
You may well be surrounded by numerous people who irritate you. Far better to choose the battles you become involved in, rather than biting at every opportunity. If you are constantly irritated, people will see you as a problem, perhaps they will think of you as a negative and argumentative person. The best thing to do in many situations is to walk away. People will respect you more if you just shrug it off.
To counter negativity among colleagues etc., why not build up a network of contacts and colleagues who are quite the reverse? Have coffee with people who really cheer you up, and use positive people as support for when others are bringing you down. Use their objectivity to cast fresh light on a situation.
The negative person is triggering you in some way. Sure, they are annoying, but something is also amiss with you. By being irritated you are judging, blaming and criticizing (rightly or wrongly). Is your reaction an overreaction? Can you shift your focus to what is positive about the negative person? Are you willing to try?
You can’t demand of others what you are not prepared to be yourself, so for the sake of your own happiness and wellbeing, set a positive example and remain upbeat and optimistic. This can sometimes be extremely off-putting to those of a negative bent, and you may find they naturally start to avoid contact with you!
Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world?
For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?
Read the complete article
Motivation can be somewhat elusive - some days, you just can't seem to make yourself do the stuff you don't want to. But putting things off just leads to stress, frustration and a sense of guilt.
While you often hear people joking that they have OCD because they like to keep their house clean and tidy, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be a distressing and debilitating mental health condition with a wide range of symptoms.
Do you expect more from others than they are prepared to give? Signs that you may be asking too much - and how to break the pattern.
Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.
No one knows what the future holds, so don't waste time and energy worrying about it. Read our tips and find out how to stop being afraid of what might never happen.
Read the complete article
As parents, we often worry about a poor school report as much, if not more, as our kids do! And if your child's grades are slipping, you'll be looking for reasons and if there's anything you can do to help.
Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".
It's natural to compare our own lives with those of others - weighing up the pros and cons of situations helps us make decisions. But there can be a downside when you find you're constantly comparing yourself with others, envying their seemingly perfect lives and wondering why they are luckier, more prosperous, and better looking than you.
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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